Survival and Thankfulness

How often during the course of a day do you say thank you?  Just think about it. Do you tell others thank you? Do you tell your creator thank you? Do you even tell yourself thank you? Be honest. We always tell our ask kids did you say thank you but we rarely say it. As November was approaching, I said I am going to highlight just a few things I am thankful for and challenge others to do the same. The things, people, places I identify is not an exhaustive list. Trust me. If you feel I left something or someone out I am sorry. Pray for me. Take it with love on the cheek like a kiss from grandma. Now the first thing I would like to say I am thankful for encompasses a few things. So it is like one big thing and then the smaller parts to that one big thing. I am truly thankful I have survived 5 whole months (well on the 11^th it will be whole, but you got the point) without my mother. Many know that my mother transitioned on May 11, 2018. This is important. Let me put this in context for you so you can feel it. On May 11 approximately around 8:30am, I was leaving Dunkin Donuts. I had purchased a medium hazelnut coffee with almond milk and sugar. I also got the turkey egg and cheese croissant. As I was pulling out I got a call from one of my uncles. By it being so early in the morning and he never calls, I am like ok this might be important. The first thing that always comes to my mind when I get early calls is there is something going on with my mom. So my uncles says, “ You need to get here now, they found your mom dead in the house.” I said What!? You playing. He said you know I do not play like that. Ok( if you know any of my uncles you would say it was not that clean. Again it is Sunday so I am going to try to keep it clean.) I said ok I am on my way. As I began my drive I was still in shock, did not know what to do or who to call. Of course I called my twin Neka and told her, she said I am on my way I said ok. I received a few more calls on the way. I passed the graveyard as I was headed to my mom’s place. I broke down a little but I kept speeding away. When I pulled up I saw plenty of cars, law enforcement and family. I parked across the street and walked over. I was ok for the most part. Was not visibly broken down. My old baseball coach came over with another deputy. They said we are waiting for her son to show up. I said I am her son. He said ok here is what’s going on. I am not going to give you the graphic details. Lets just say they gave me 2 options. His recommendation was not to enter the place until after the funeral people came. I took that option.  Ok now lets pause for second. In the words of Sway in the morning, let that breathe. Now if you do not know by now, I am shook. Even as I write this it is very difficult to hold back the tears. That day and essentially that week was very tough but I made it. Let’s move on before I breakdown again and can not finish helping you all.  I am truly thankful my mother did not have to bury me. As hard as it was to lay her to rest I am thankful she did not have to lay me to rest. My mother got a chance to watch me grow up, excel academically and see her granddaughter.  It would have been cool for her to watch me get married but she will have to see that from the heavens with my ancestors. We often don’t realize how precious life is to us until death knocks at the door. Even then we still take things for granted. The reason I am thankful my mother did not have to bury me is because she should not have to. My mother buried her siblings and her parents. She could not take another loss. Here is why she could not take another loss. When I was about 9 years old my mother had 2 major stokes which paralyzed her on her left side. She was left side dominate. My mother stayed in rehab for about 9 months roughly. They expected her to stay for at least 2 years.  While in St. Mary’s hospital, I bounced around with family. My grandmother and my mom’s oldest brother would take me to see her sometimes weekly. It was a strain because the hospital was over an hour away from where we lived. Here is the reality in all of this. My mother solely depended on me with everything until I left and went to FAMU. When I mean everything I literally mean everything. I was a nurse, doctor, lawyer, negotiator and I paid the bills( With her money of course). When I look back over my life and my mom’s life, she did everything she could to normalize our situation. It was never normal for a 9 year old to be a caregiver but here we are. In all honesty my mother would not have been able to handle loosing me so I am truly thankful that she never did. Let me bring this to a close, put a bow on it, bring it together without going super long and boring you. Everyone always wants to know what does JT think. Well here you are. Have you ever woke up and been like NOPE. Not today. Today is not the day. On Wednesday (Halloween) as I was finishing my breakfast I said exactly that. Mind you this after the gym and everything. In the words of Andrew Gillum " my grandmother use to say get somewhere, sit down and rest your nerves.  My mom use to say the same thing when I was child.  As an adult what that means is calm down, take a break from everything. Lay on the bed, sit on the couch don’t matter just get somewhere and get your peace together.  You have to stop what you are doing to get yourself and your thoughts together. We live in the fast pace, immediate environment where we rarely take breaks. Taking a break is frowned upon when you hear terms like no days off. I don’t have a problem with hardwork but you need rest. A day off won’t hurt. You have to hit the reset button. If not your body will reset itself. When the body wants time it will take it, often times putting you down for weeks or months. What I think is you need a break and you really need to be thankful. Some days you are not going to feel like it. Go somewhere and sit your but down and rest your nerves. Life is going to throw some hard stuff at you. It definitely threw me a fast ball. Although I may not have hit it out of the park, everyday I get another opportunity to be thankful for another opportunity. Everyday I am thankful I survived my mother and survived another day. The next day is not promised and it could very well take you out. So I leave you with this. Say thank you more often on a daily. Say it while you are in the  store, to your kids, friends family and yourself. When you say thank you will have more things to be thankful and grateful for. #DoBetter